Lucid
by ElvishGrrl
Summary: Elena's sleep is being plagued by gruesome nightmares each night that wake her up screaming and leave her continually exhausted. How long will it take for her to realize what message they are trying to get her conscious mind to accept?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N ** This is my first attempt at fanfic. I'm looking for feedback and suggestions if you're willing to give them. :)

*****DISCLAIMER***** _I do **NOT** own Vampire Diaries or the characters associated with Vampire Diaries. No copyright infringement intended. _

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><p><strong>Lucid <strong>

**Chapter 1 - Nightmares  
><strong>

Elena Gilbert wakes up with her hands clamped tightly over her mouth to hold in her scream. She's drenched in a thick layer of cold sweat and her heart is racing. She releases a quiet gasp and sits up in the darkness. This one had been the worst yet.

Every night for weeks now she's been having the same, yet somewhat different dream. She's frantically searching, running, dodging obstacles, taking wrong turns, knowing that if she doesn't move more quickly it will be too late. Sometimes she tries over and over to call but continually presses the wrong buttons on her phone and can never connect. Sometimes she is slowed by others who attempt to delay her by any means possible. Her anger rises and her panic increases because since that first dream she now knows exactly how this will end if she doesn't get to him in time. And she never does. She is always just exactly too late.

She has now watched him die in countless ways. He has been burned alive, staked in the heart, decapitated, had his heart ripped out of his chest, left to burn in the sun. She has been witness to it all. Always she is crying and calling out his name. He hears her and he turns to her, but every time it's too late. As she bears desperate witness to his final seconds and sees the life leave him yet again, she wakes up.

Elena wipes the tears off her face and slips out of her bed. In her frantic nocturnal struggles she has pushed all her covers onto the floor. She steps into the bathroom she shares with her brother and flips on the light. The girl that looks back at her from the mirror barely looks like the Elena she remembers. Her eyes are sunken and dark bruise-like skin surrounds each one. Her once flawlessly tanned olive skin is now quite pale. She is too thin and her hair is limp & lifeless. She looks exhausted. She looks ill. She looks desperate.

She splashes some water on her face, has a drink and returns to her bed. She knows that sleep will not come back to her this night. How much longer can this go on?

* * *

><p>She is starting to behave like a zombie and she knows her friends and family have noticed. For the first week or two of the dreams, she felt that she was faking it fairly well in public, acting like she was OK. Now she no longer has the energy to try to pretend, so she just avoids being social as much as possible. She still attends school most days, when she can bring herself to leave the house. Other than that, she has stopped going out, stopped inviting anyone over, stopped answering her phone. Jeremy and Alaric know about the dreams – how could they not when she has awakened them with her screams for so many nights now? They seem to respect that she doesn't want to discuss it, but she knows they are both worried about her. She has not told Bonnie or Caroline, but she is well aware they also know something is yet again wrong. Elena wishes there was a way for her to compel them to back off and give her space. But she is only a human girl and she doesn't have that ability.<p>

Over the past year and a half her life has been completely turned upside down more times than she can count, and she is now surrounded by the supernatural on a daily basis. This no longer even fazes her. She is a doppelganger. Her best friend since childhood is a witch. One of her other friends is a werewolf. Her birth mother had been a vampire. Her ex-boyfriend and two of her closest friends in the world are also vampires.

And that brings her to her biggest concern, the one she tries hardest to bury during her long waking hours. Damon. He is her former tormenter, her current protector and, if she is being honest with herself, her most trusted friend. He is also her ex-boyfriend's older brother. There is more to their complicated relationship, much, much more, but she still can't let herself go there. Too much guilt and too much risk lie in giving in to those thoughts. Only in her dreams can she be truly honest about how she feels. All of her dreams are about him.

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><p><em>Elena is running as fast as her legs can carry her through the dense forest behind the boarding house. It's so very dark and confusing, but she can see a light ahead and she dashes toward it. As she bursts into the clearing, she is immensely relieved to see Damon lying, tightly bound but alive, on the ground. His eyes meet hers and obvious gratitude washes over them. She rushes to his side and gives him a smile.<em>

_She leans in close to his ear._

_"Close your eyes," she whispers, and, as he does, she kisses him gently on the lips._

_She caresses the side of his face with her left palm._

_Then she raises the stake she has been clutching tightly to her side and slams it into him, just below the ribcage and up, exactly as he has taught her. It goes directly into his heart. His eyes fly open and make contact with hers a split second before the life fades out of them. She will never forget the expression of shock, hurt and betrayal on his face. His skin goes ashy, the veins rise and he is gone._

_She screams and screams._

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><p>The sound of her voice awakens Elena, gasping for air, in her own bed. Her nightly screams are so commonplace now that no one even comes running to see if she's OK any longer. She is drenched, absolutely drenched, in sweat. Her pajamas are soaked, the sheets are soaked and she guesses the mattress below is probably wet as well. She raises a shaking hand to her face and wipes away the tears, but this time they continue to flow. She realizes she is quietly sobbing.<p>

She grabs her phone off the bedside table and before she can let logic stop her, she texts him.

_Are you awake? Are you OK?_

The dreams have always felt real, but that one – that one felt _way _too real. She can still feel his cheek under her palm, his lips against hers, the wood clutched so tightly in her other hand. She can still hear his gasp when she staked him. She doesn't know much about such things but that dream felt entirely too life-like. It felt like a prophecy.

Her phone buzzes and she reads his reply.

_Yes. I'm fine. What's going on?_

She hesitates. The last thing she wants to do is explain, but she needs to see him desperately right now. To confirm with her own eyes that he's really OK. She knows he won't refuse if she asks him to come. She's not certain, however, that he won't press her to answer questions she doesn't want to.

She sighs and gives in. She knows she will probably regret this later.

_Can you come? Please?_

As an afterthought she adds,

_No danger this time, I promise._

He responds almost immediately.

_Be right there._

She sighs and gets out of bed. She has just exactly enough time to splash cold water on her face, put on dry pajamas and change the bed sheets when she here a light knock on her window.

Elena opens it up for him and he silently slips into her room. She is amazed at how instantly she feels better. She wraps her arms tightly around herself to keep from throwing them around him and burying her face in his neck in relief.

Damon gives her a quizzical look.

"You call, I come. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company at 3:07 am? Have a naughty dream about me and need to make it come true?"

She flinches noticeably at the word "dream" but his typical glibness, his very Damon-ness, calms her. She tries to formulate a reply that won't sound inane.

"Would it be OK, just this once, if we didn't talk about anything?" she asks softly. "Please, Damon, I just don't want to sleep alone."

He knows damn well something is very wrong. Hell, he's known it for weeks. But any time he's brought it up, she's deflected him. As a matter of fact for the most part she's been avoiding him lately. He doesn't like to admit to himself how much this hurts. So he's aware accepting to her request to "not talk about anything" will not be easy. But they both know that he will do pretty much anything she asks of him. So he simply nods and gestures towards her bed.

She flashes him a small, grateful smile and slides between the fresh sheets. He removes his shoes & jacket and slips in behind her. She turns over and away from him.

"Goodnight, Damon. Thank you," she whispers.

He hesitates only a second, then wraps his arm around her slender waist and pulls her back tight against his chest. Elena is overcome with how safe she feels in his arms. Within minutes she is asleep.

She does not dream.

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><p>Elena wakes up alone the next morning. She is simultaneously relieved and disappointed. She also feels the most <em>herself<em> than she has felt in a long time.

After showering and applying some light makeup, she actually takes the time to choose an outfit for school today instead of just grabbing what's closest. Not so long ago this was her regular morning routine.

In the kitchen she greets Jeremy and Alaric.

"Good morning," she smiles as she pours herself a coffee.

They look at her and then at one another before returning her greeting. Both of them are aware that she woke screaming again last night, so her chipper demeanor is a surprise.

When she steps outside to walk to her car, Elena pauses to take in the sounds of birds chirping, the colours of the trees and the crisp smell of the fresh autumn air. The fog around the edges of her concentration has lifted and she actually feels "in the moment" for the first time in ages.

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><p>Damon sits before the fireplace in the study of the boarding house, the customary tumbler of bourbon in his hand. He's not sure he knows who the fuck he even is anymore. All the knowledge and mental fortitude he has acquired after 170 years of life are completely useless to him right now. How is it possible that one eighteen year-old girl has messed him up this bad? How has he allowed this to happen? She has all the power, she calls all the shots and part of him despises himself for letting her become his greatest weakness. She knows full well how he feels about her and he knows full well that he is forever stuck with this… this… constant ache. Skipping town isn't an option, even if he wanted to. He has promised he'd never leave her again. It's as simple as that. He's committed himself to always watch over her and keep her safe. No matter how tempting, he will not go back on his word.<p>

Despite how they may feel about each other right now – and, frankly, Damon isn't certain exactly what she does feel at this point - he knows that they can never be really be together the way he craves. She has no wish to ever turn and he's afraid he'll go insane when she inevitably leaves him.

Some day he will eventually have to watch her fall in love with another, get married, start a family, grow old, die. Quite possibly he may also have to keep an eye on her children and grandchildren after that. If she asks him to. Because they both know he cannot refuse her.

Metaphorically speaking, he's screwed. This is why he drinks so much. It's the only way to ease the pain. So he tries to convince himself anyway.

He wonders in passing whether he'll get a late night text again tonight.

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><p>Elena crawls into her bed with trepidation. It has been a good day, relatively speaking, but now she must face sleep. She briefly considers the pros and cons of just texting Damon to come and spend the night with her again, but she quickly discards that thought just as she discards most thoughts about him these days. She has convinced herself that the less she allows him to slip into her mind, the safer it will be for her emotional stability. Or maybe it's just a habit she has been in for so long that it comes second nature to suppress those thoughts.<p>

She is not one to pray, but as she snuggles down into her pillow she thinks, _Oh God, please don't let the nightmare come back again tonight._

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><p><em>She is walking up the middle of a rural dirt road. It is barely a car's width wide and there is long grass growing along each side. The day is bright, so bright - it's like looking through an over exposed photo taken back in the 1960's or 70's. Elena squints and brings her hand up to shield her eyes from the intense sun. It's hot and humid and she is sweating like crazy. She's searching for Damon, walking fast, glancing around everywhere for any sign of him.<em>

_Suddenly she hears an "Over here!" and heads in that direction. It sounds like Stefan's voice. She begins to run, leaving the track and heading down a stony hill. She suddenly realizes that she is near the old Quarry. She is approaching the place where she died, where Jenna died, where everything went to Hell._

_She stops and listens intently and she hears the sound of a gasp. Instantly she knows it's Damon. She looks around, starting to become a bit frantic. Where is he? She can feel her heartbeat speeding up and her anxiety increasing._

_Finally she spots him. He's lying on his stomach on the ground and he doesn't look well. Stefan is squatting beside him. Damon's eyes meet hers and she can clearly see the relief on his face that she is there. He attempts to give her a half smile, but it falters._

_Elena kneels beside him and grasps his hand. With her other hand she strokes the hair back from his forehead. His skin and hair are damp with sweat, like her own._

_"It's almost over," she soothes him with a small smile. She raises his hand and kisses the back of it._

_Then she slips his lapis lazuli ring off his finger and steps back from him. Smoke rises from his flesh almost instantly and, as she and Stefan watch impassively, Damon's entire body bursts into flames and is engulfed. . It doesn't take long. Within a minute there is nothing left but ash._

_As if snapping out of a trance, she suddenly realizes what she has done and she falls to her knees where he had been lying. She lifts her face up and screams his name._

* * *

><p>Elena's eyes pop open in her own bed and she gasps for a deep breath of air. She's not sure if her heart could be pounding any harder. She feels terrified.<p>

_It wasn't real, he's fine, it wasn't real, he's fine._ She repeats this mantra over and over again in her head until eventually she starts to calm.

She groans and covers her tear-stained face. Did she really just scream Damon's name out in the middle of the night? She truly hopes that neither Jeremy nor Ric heard, or she will have to suffer their teasing tomorrow. She glances at the clock – it's 12:36 am.

Before she can over-think what she's doing, she has her phone in her hand and she's texting him.

_Please Damon, I need you. Can you come?_

She forces herself to pause before she hits Send. Backtracking, she removes _I need you_ from it. Still, she hesitates and considers just putting the phone away and leaving the message unsent. But then she remembers how well she slept when he was with her, how safe she felt and how nice it was to feel a bit "normal" the next day. Elena really doesn't want to dwell on why this might be, what this might mean. She gulps and presses the Send button.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** - Thank you so much for all the Story Alerts, Author Alerts & Favourite Story adds & reviews. They all mean so much to me! Hope you enjoy Chapter 2. The final chapter is now done, so after some review you should have it to read, too. In a few days, I think. :)

**Chapter 2 - Understanding**

Damon is nursing a drink at the bar at the Grill when he hears his phone buzz in his pocket. His mouth curves into his trademark lopsided smirk as he pulls it out to glance at it.

_Please Damon. Can you come?_

He doesn't reply, he just slides it back into his jacket. He slaps some cash onto the bar and slips out into the night.

He decides to walk to her house. Maybe it will do him some good to get a bit of fresh air and clear his head a little. Maybe it will do her some good to not assume he will drop everything and rush to her the instant she asks. Who is he kidding? If he didn't already know this wasn't a life or death situation, he would have been at her side about two seconds after reading her message. But, as it is, a little bit of wondering if he'll come or not won't kill her.

He's figured out she's been having nightmares, but that's pretty much all he's sure of about what's going on with Elena these days. They haven't had a proper conversation in weeks, although he's tried. He decides that tonight he's going to get her to actually talk to him about it.

Ten minutes later, Damon slips through her unlocked bedroom window and into her room. Tonight he doesn't knock.

Elena is curled up in a tight ball on her bed. This time she hasn't changed her pajamas or the bed sheets and he's aware right away that she woke up in a cold sweat from the latest dream. She raises her head to glance at him and he notes that her eyes are red and puffy from crying.

He closes her window, removes his jacket and shoes and lies down beside her, his original resolve to convince her to open up to him now forgotten. He has never seen her in so obvious need of comfort.

This time she immediately curls up against his chest and tucks her head below his chin. He doesn't say anything; he simply wraps his arms around her.

So quiet a normal man might not hear, she whispers "Thank you."

He gently kisses the top of her head. "Welcome."

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><p>She wakes up before her alarm. The dim light in her bedroom indicates the sun is just beginning to rise. Her first thought is of him and she tentatively rolls over, not sure exactly what she's hoping to find. Elena is surprised a bit by the relief she feels that he is still here. With her.<p>

He removed his shirt at some point during the night and she cannot help but stare at his sculpted naked upper back, only inches from her face. Without thinking she reaches out to trace the line of his shoulder blade. She catches herself at the last second and quickly pulls her hand back. As gently and quietly as possible she slips out of bed and into the bathroom.

She does not realize that Damon's eyes have been open this whole time as he faces away from her, noting all her soft movements, the speed of her heartbeat and her changes in breathing.

When Elena returns to her bed, he is gone. She wonders why she is so disappointed. As she pushes her head back into her floral-patterned pillow, a part of her also wonders why she is still questioning these feelings so much, why she is still fighting them so hard.

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><p>Today is Friday and, to her pleasant surprise, Elena feels mentally alert again. At lunch break she makes a decision to do some research about her reoccurring nightmares and heads for the school library.<p>

She finds a few "dream meanings" books and pulls them down. Locating a secluded corner of the library, she sits down to go over them.

After 45 minutes have passed, Elena is getting frustrated. There is an over-abundance of information about dreams of searching and dreams about death and none of the apparent meanings ring true to her at all. She is about to give up and go back to her locker when she finds an entry in the last book under the subject _Killing_ that catches her eye.

_"When dreaming of killing a loved one or family member, the dreamer may be worried about a current course of action, which he or she believes is 'hurting' the murdered person."_

She pauses and thinks about this. It's the only explanation she's found today that makes any sense at all. She knows that he loves her, has loved her for more than a year now. She can't even begin to imagine how much pain she has inadvertently caused him during that time. Before, she always had the excuse that she was in love with his brother and that she couldn't help how Damon felt about her. She has always maintained that she didn't return those sentiments - to him, to anyone else that questioned her, and most often of all to herself. Each time she has denied her feelings to him, she knows it just drives the knife in a little bit further. Each time she has asked him to do something that goes against his nature "for her", she is aware that she is just twisting that knife in the wound. To Damon, her complete denial of any feelings other than friendship for him probably does feel like she is essentially "killing" him. Over and over. Is this what her subconscious is trying to get her to understand? Oh God.

She checks out the slim volume and heads back to class.

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><p>After school, Elena spontaneously decides to decline her brother's offer of a ride home and takes the long walk instead. Not only is she hoping to avoid being teased about screaming out Damon's name last night, but also it will give her time to think some things through a bit.<p>

Like how _does_ she really feel about him these days? That right there is the million dollar question, isn't it? The answer to which she knows could potentially change _everything_. No matter how afraid she may be of the reality, she is at last starting to accept the fact that she needs to figure it out once and for all. She's truly terrified that the truth may cause her to lose him forever. Or to lose herself.

She's aware of so many of the awful things he's done. He's hurt almost everyone she knows at one point or another. Including her. He acts rashly and emotionally and quite often ends up doing things that he regrets. Sometimes horrible things. People can and do get hurt when Damon is unhappy. She hates that she has been unwillingly responsible for this happening more than once. Elena knows that if she hurts him again, on purpose or not, the consequences could be dire. How can she live with the weight of that on her narrow shoulders?

But then, she also knows a side of him that few have seen. How fun he can be, how easily he can make her smile, how sweet and understanding and compassionate he is with her. Her friends would never believe her if she told them. But he often removes the cool, sarcastic façade when he's alone with her and she assumes that's why he is one of the very few people that she will relax and let her own guard down around. He brings out the "real" Elena. He's also not afraid to call her out on her bullshit either, when she needs it. Damon lives his life on his own terms and is brave and passionate about everything he does. She often wishes she could be more like him in that sense. He always makes her feel safe and protected in a way that Stefan never did, and she knows he would do anything for her.

Elena sighs as she turns the corner onto her street. She's fairly certain the days of them being just friends are over. Her choices at this point are binary. She can either ask Damon to leave her forever, so that she can move on with her life and find a nice, normal, human guy to fall in love with someday…or…she can close her eyes, hold her breathe and take the plunge with him. And hope that it will all be worth it in the end.

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><p>Even though it's Friday night and she's eighteen years old, Elena doesn't feel like going out with friends. She is in a social enough mood to share a pizza with Ric and Jer and after watch some TV with them for a bit, but then she excuses herself mumbling something about needing to study.<p>

She plops down onto her bed and digs the dream interpretation book out of her knapsack. This time she attempts to find a possible meaning to the frenzied searching for Damon that she always seems to be doing during the first part of her dreams. Strangely, though she had assumed it would be, it's not an easy dream topic to locate. However, she does eventually find this, which gives her pause.

"_Frantically__ searching for something signifies that you are confused and really don't know what to do."_

Well that pretty much sums it up, doesn't it? She sighs. Confused and really don't know what to do – yep, that's it exactly. Elena puts the dream book aside and heads to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

When she emerges fresh faced, ponytailed and jammied, she comes to a halt in the doorway. Damon is sitting on the end of her bed, holding her teddy bear in his hands.

"Thought you might need some company again tonight," he murmurs and gives her a close-lipped smile.

Her throat constricts as she tries to think of an acceptable reply to this. Yes, she very much wants him there. Perhaps him being with her all night will keep the nightmares at bay completely. What she isn't ready for yet, though, is conversation with him. Until she knows for sure what she wants and what risks she's willing to take to get there, she cannot have a meaningful discussion with him. She would prefer not to talk to him all right now, to tell the truth. And yes, she does realize the double-entendre embedded in that thought. There's an ever-larger part of her that wants that, too, if she's being honest.

She gives him a small smile and a nod and climbs into bed. He unselfconsciously slips in beside her and she reaches to turn out the light. Automatically she backs her body up against his chest and feels his arm curl around her waist. Over her stomach she threads her fingers through his.

"Good night, Elena," he whispers into her hair.

"Night, Damon. Thank you."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** - So this is the final chapter of Lucid. Hope you liked my first story! I have a few ideas in mind for another. Please if you can, let me know what you think of Lucid and if you might be interested in reading a different story of mine when I have it ready. It would mean the world to me to know how my writing is being received. If you have any suggestions or advise, please feel free to message me. Thank you!

**Chapter 3 – Clarity**

_Elena seems to be in a courtroom, observing some sort of trial. She looks around herself. Of course. It's Damon - he is the defendant being tried. She didn't hear the charges but she can probably guess. Strangely, Katherine appears to be his lawyer. Only Stefan, Jeremy and Liz Forbes sit in the row behind Damon. All the rest of her friends and family are on the opposite side and there doesn't appear to be one clear plaintiff. Perhaps they all are. Bonnie seems to be acting as the accusing lawyer. Elena rolls her eyes. Go figure. Klaus is the judge. Tyler is the bailiff._

_Her breath catches in her throat as she regards the Jury. In the front row she can see Lexie, Zach Salvatore, Vickie Donovan, Mason Lockwood, Logan Fell, Greta Martin and Coach Tanner. All people Damon has killed. It's a jury of the dead. _

_Worse yet though is that behind them, she can see dozens, no, make that **hundreds** of strangers. Most of them are young, beautiful women. They stretch back as far as she can see. Her eyes widen as she realizes that these are all Damon's victims over the many, many years. Elena feels sick to her stomach just looking at them. They are comprised of both young and old, female and male, but the vast majority are girls about her age. Most of these have slim builds and long, brown hair. _

_Bile starts to rise in her throat as she sinks to her knees. Is it possible to vomit in a dream? She would prefer not to find out. She lowers her head between her knees and takes deep breaths._

_She can hear Bonnie calling the first witness to the stand. It's Caroline. She keeps her head down and listens to Caroline recount how Damon treated her so badly during the first weeks they knew him. How he compelled her, fed on her, used her for sex, used her to get invites to places and eventually tried to kill her. Elena glances up and sees that Liz Forbes has moved to the other side of the courtroom to sit beside her daughter, who has stepped down from the witness box._

_Next up is Matt, who testifies about his sister Vickie and how Damon killed and turned her into a vampire just for fun. Because he was bored. Elena feels another wave of nausea go through her._

_Tyler testifies about Damon killing his uncle Mason – how he tortured him and then coldly ripped his heart right out of his chest._

_When Alaric is up, he talks about his former wife, and Elena's mother, Isobel - how Damon slept with her and then turned her into a vampire. How Damon has killed him twice now (and if it wasn't for that handy "supernatural death revival" ring he and Jeremy both wear, neither would be standing here.) How utterly easy it is for Damon to lose it and go psycho on anyone standing too close._

_Next, Bonnie calls Jeremy to the stand. He testifies about what he read in Elena's diary concerning Damon. How he slaughtered all Vickie's stoner friends that night in the cemetery. How he snapped Jeremy's neck once in a spiteful rage. _

_Her stomach clenches again. Even though she knows all this already, the reminders are so difficult to hear. Has she really forgiven Damon for all of this?_

_When Jeremy steps down, she sees that he, too, does not return to his seat behind Damon._

_She hears Stefan speaking and realizes he is now up. What can Stefan testify about that she doesn't already know? Lexie, Zach, Coach Tanner. All pointless deaths. _

_Elena tunes him out after a bit and regards the "Jury of the Damned" again. All those women that look like her. So very many of them. She wonders how many she is really looking at. It's so hard to tell. Then she remembers an old trick for crowd counting. She counts a group of 10 and then uses that mental shape to multiply through the bunch to get an approximation. She comes up with about 190-200, give or take. While counting, she notices that most of them seem to be dressed in period clothing. Probably around three quarters of them are wearing old fashioned looking outfits. _

_Her thoughts are interrupted when she hears her own name. Elena's annoyed to realize that Bonnie has called her as the next witness. She notes as she walks over that Damon now sits alone on his side, with the exception of Katherine leaning against the front of his table._

_Tyler asks her to place her hand on top of a Bible. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"_

_Elena glances up the judge's bench to Klaus and rolls her eyes._

"_What does God have to do with _any_ of this?"_

"_I've yet to publish my Book of Klaus, pet, so this will have to do," he grins down at her._

_Elena decides to push her luck, "And isn't the jury supposed to be impartial? There's nothing impartial about that lot. It's hardly fair." _

"_It's your dream, sweetheart. You put them there. I'm just going with it."_

_Bonnie clears her throat and starts the questioning. She asks Elena if Damon kidnapped her and took her to Georgia last year._

"_No, it wasn't like that," she replies._

"_Did he take you against your will, yes or no?" _

"_Well, technically, yes…"_

"_Did he compel you?"_

"_No! Damon has **never** compelled me! He wouldn't do that," Elena indignantly exclaims._

_She glances at Damon as she says this. He looks guiltily back at her. _

_He speaks up "Actually…yes…I have. Once."_

_In surprise she blurts out, "What! When?" He doesn't reply; he just looks away. She frowns. For some reason she knows that it's true._

_Bonnie's not quite done with her yet._

"_How many times has he forced his blood on you, Elena, in the hopes that you might turn into a vampire against your will? _

_She pauses, not liking to think about that, either. She glances at Damon again. When he sees her looking, he quickly looks down and avoids meeting her eyes._

"_Answer the question please, Elena."_

"_Um. Twice." She feels her face burn as she admits this to the room._

"_No further questions, your honour."_

_Klaus turns to Katherine. "Your witness, my dear."_

_Has Katherine actually cross-examined any of the other witnesses? Elena doesn't think so. She wonders why not._

_Katherine approaches her. "Hello, Elena."_

_Elena sighs quietly. Here we go._

"_Do you love Stefan Salvatore?" she asks first._

_What an odd question._

"_What does that have to do with anything?" Elena replies. Other than her psycho vampire doppelganger's unhealthy obsession with her ex-boyfriend, that is._

"_Do you?"_

"_I…" she glances at Damon again. He still won't look back at her. "Yes, I love Stefan. But I'm not **in love** with him any more. I love him the same way I love Bonnie. Or Jeremy." Once again, she knows it is the truth as soon as she says it._

"_Thank you, Elena. Now, what have you noticed about our Jury today?"_

"_They're all people Damon has killed," she replies, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Which, really, it is._

"_What else? What about their physical appearance?"_

_Elena gulps. "Most of them look like me," she whispers._

"_That's where you're wrong, my dear," Katherine smirks, "most of them look like **me**."_

_Elena gasps as she suddenly realizes that's exactly right. They looked like **Katherine** to him. It has nothing to do with her. Katherine is the bitch who screwed him up for so many years, who used him and turned him and left him. Elena can't figure out why anyone hasn't just staked her yet already. **She** should be the one on trial here, not Damon._

_Katherine isn't done with her yet._

_"Elena, you're my descendant, so I know you're a smart girl. How many people are in the Jury?"_

"_I have no idea. Lots." _

_Katherine rolls her eyes. "I know you can do better than that, Elena. About how many?"_

"_OK, well…about 200," she rounds up._

"_I know you've figured out what all this means by now, haven't you?" Katherine delivers this like a statement rather than a question._

_Has she? _

"_Tell us, Elena. Talk us through your revelation."_

_Elena takes a deep breath. _

"_Well… Damon has been a vampire for 146 years. Young vampires tend to not have much self-control over their bloodlust for the first while and usually kill indiscriminately. Most of the victims I see are wearing outdated clothing, which means they were killed within the first, maybe, 50 or 60 years of his becoming a vampire...oh!" _

_She has a sudden epiphany!_

_Her words start to tumble out faster. "That means that the rest of them, maybe 60 people or so, were killed over about a hundred year period. That's less than one per year! He's been feeding and compelling, but not killing them far, far more often than he's actually killed!" Elena gasps and clamps her hand over her mouth. It's ludicrous how this realization makes her feel. He is still a mass murderer. But the truth of what she's just been made aware affects the way she sees him like nothing else has. Damon hides his humanity so well most of the time, but it is there. It's always been there._

_"I have no further questions, your honour," Katherine smirks up at Klaus._

_Elena steps down and starts to walk toward Damon, when she hears Bonnie speak._

_"I'd like to call Damon Salvatore to the stand."_

_Still not looking at her, he makes his way to the witness stand. She feels a sudden wave of trepidation. This will not go well._

_Bonnie gets straight to the point._

_"You are accused, Damon, of murdering all these people," she gestures to the Jury. "How do you plead?"_

_"Guilty."_

_"What about all the other accusations levied against you by the witnesses today? How do you plead to the many counts of manipulation, lying, compelling, forced bloodletting, forced blood-giving and attempted murder?"_

_"Guilty," he doesn't even hesitate._

_Bonnie looks up at Klaus. They are ready to pass judgment. Elena feels cold and terrified. She needs to stop this somehow._

_She scans the courtroom for Katherine but she's nowhere to be found. Neither is Stefan._

_Klaus looks down at Damon._

_"Well, obviously, you're found guilty of all charges, mate. Your sentence is, of course, death. Now, normally our sweet Elena here would be the one to carry out your execution. But since the method is up to me, I'm going to choose your personal favourite - it's got truly "heart-ripping" style, if you will. I believe I'll have to carry it out myself, as I don't think our girl is quite strong enough. It's poetic, really. I'm sure you'll agree._

_Now, do you have anything to say for yourself, before your sentence is carried out?"_

_The courtroom is suddenly dead silent._

_His voice is calm, "Nope. I know I deserve this. Carry on."_

_All eyes are on Damon as he leaves the witness stand and comes down, stopping in front of the throng. Elena is finally able to force her frozen legs to move and she approaches him._

_"You don't have to do this," she clasps his hands in hers and tries to force the tremor out of her voice. "You don't have to give up."_

_"Elena, you don't understand. I want this. I welcome it. And I'll finally get to be reunited with the only person who has ever truly loved me. I'll get to see my mother again. You have to let me go."_

_She can't hold back her tears any longer._

_Through strangled sobs she chokes out "You're wrong, Damon. You don't deserve this. And I love you. I love you."_

* * *

><p>The courtroom goes dark, but she can still hear his voice.<p>

"Elena, wake up. C'mon, Elena."

She wonders why he's shaking her shoulder. It seems an odd reaction to such an intense conversation. She blindly reaches for him and pulls herself against him, burying her face into his neck.

"You don't deserve this," she repeats. "You're wrong. _I_ love you."

She pulls back a few inches and presses her lips against his, trying desperately to make her point, to force him to understand. For a moment, he kisses her back. Then his hands are on her shoulders and he pushes her away.

"Much as I appreciate you waking up and throwing your arms around me and kissing me and all - and I do, believe me, I do – but, before we continue, you need to tell me what's going on. What's this all about, Elena?" He reaches behind her to switch on the bedside lamp so that she can see him. She squints in the sudden light as she realizes where she is and what she'd been dreaming about.

She hesitates for a second, then like a dam breaking, it all pours out of her. She tells him about the nightmares, starting from the beginning and she tries not to leave out any details. By about halfway through, her tears are falling freely again. He wipes them away with the pads of his thumbs. Amazingly her voice actually grows stronger as she speaks.

When Elena describes her most recent dream, she notices some shocked expressions flicker across his face. He just stares at her when she finishes.

After a long moment, he speaks.

"How could you _possibly_ know that? _Nobody_ knows that. Nobody," Damon is emphatic.

"About your…victims? I don't know. I just knew my conclusion in the dream was right. It was one of the two questions I was just about to ask you, actually. So…it _is_ true, then?"

He nods slowly. "I have never told that to anyone. I don't understand how you could know."

He blinks, "What's your other question?"

Elena chews her bottom lip before she replies, "Did you compel me once, like I dreamed you told the court you did? I felt that this was also the truth when you said it."

He hesitates, "Is there any way in the world you'd be willing to drop that one? If I assured you beyond any shadow of a doubt that I didn't do anything to you and that it doesn't even matter now?"

She frowns and narrows her eyes at him. "Not a chance."

"I didn't think so," Damon sighs. He then explains what he said to her and then took away on the night he first returned her necklace, after he and Stefan rescued her. She doesn't think she has ever seen him look so guilty, like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. His expression conveys that he's waiting to hear his punishment.

Elena puts her hand on the side of his face, "Thank you for telling me." Then her voice hardens, "Don't ever, ever compel me again though. I mean it. I want things between us to always be real." She uses his words back at him and knows that they will be.

He rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling. He is quiet for awhile and she begins to wonder if he's gone back to sleep.

Still looking away, he abruptly whispers, "Did you mean what you said?"

Elena knows exactly what he is questioning. What he needs to hear from her. And she realizes that she finally isn't afraid of her feelings any longer. It's like a great sense of clarity has befallen her.

"Yes, Damon. I meant it. Dream or not, it's still true. I do love you. I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out."

He turns towards her and reaches out to stroke her cheek with his fingertips. She could swear in the dim lighting that his eyes look wet.

"Can I kiss you now?"

She closes the distance between them, twines her fingers into his hair and responds without words.


End file.
